I'm in shreds :(

I've come upon some bad luck and I might just lay off of the blog for a while... I'm in shreds... totally demolished.

My SO and I have separated last week. If you asked me, I never even saw it coming... I might be blind or stupid, but in my mind all was going better than ever... it hit hard.... I love that man with all my heart and all of this as left me crying, not eating or sleeping for the last 4-5 days.

To simply add to my misery, I have found that Dandy has injured herself Saturday night or Sunday morning. Since she is still at my SO's farm (and I'm not), I couldn't check up on her as much as I wanted.

I came to see her yesterday and she seemed fine from a distance, so I went and checked the others... then, I returned to Dandy. There were many flies on her so I ran my hand on her face and down her neck to her chest... and when I got to the chest... I froze, my face changed. This wasn't Dandy's coat... I was rough and humid and sticky. Yes, Dandy has managed to injure herself. There is some sort of laceration or a deep rub mark on her chest about as big as a hand and a small cut on her shoulder. I took her out and rinsed it off... it was swollen and had the same consistency as hamburger... obviously, it was painful for her. I cleaned it and put some disinfectant on it.

This brought my spirit right down... I feel so helpless and I already don't feel competent enough to take care of horses, and this happens! I was in pieces on the ground. I realize that Dandy is not as happy as she was 2 years ago... she stays away from the others but always looks for them. She does not go into the shelter even if all of the others are in.

I think that she was trying to keep up with the herd as they were running in the pasture, and she must've ran into a fence or a tree, I have no idea. The wound is not life threatening, but I can't help but think about what else could happen... is this her way of telling me "This is it"? I will not be able to care for a blind horse like that and I know it. So what should I do? Have her put down? give her away to a kids camp? Would she be suitable for that or would she just end up at auction? What are my options??

Obviously, I'm in no state of mind to make an official decision about her. My mind is all over the place and this is just the cherry on the cake. I know that Dandy is almost blind (95% I would say) and I know it is affecting her quality of life... she no longer cares for anything, she likes to see me, but she doesn't do anything else... Am I making her suffer? Am I selfish? I don't know the answer, my mind is already flooded with other types of questions... I don't know what to think. I've had no luck talking with surgeons who could fix this and I would have to trailer her far in order to get it done, but nobody around is specialized to do this... and it might be too late (cataracts are too advanced).

I need to take a break, take a breath... so please forgive me if I am absent for a few weeks.

Not much new / Blindness

Well... I might as well have crawled under a rock for the past 2 weeks. All in all, I couldn't work with Misty because it was raining for the last two weekends. I didn't ride much either.

We did ride on August 14... (I know, long time ago!!). We did a 2.5 hour ride with Dandy and Pearl. The only thing I guess I could point out is that Dandy's blindness issue isn't getting better.

I took her out on a ride that day. It was kind of sunny and clouding over. We took a bike path up to a bridge and accross a river, where I met friends for a quick chat. On our way to the bridge, we decided to canter a good part of the way, the horses were warmed up, we had been riding for about 30-40 minutes at a quick walk. So we decided to canter and all was going well, Pearl was beside Dandy, which always gives Dandy some confidence. All of a sudden the sun peeks out and trees cast a shadow on the ground, Dandy sees one particular shadow and slams on the brakes. So I went from a nice quick galop to a stop in 0.5 seconds... thankfully I didn't fall off and wasn't ejected. Dandy has a great habit of tucking her butt under when she slams on the brakes (If only I could get her to do it on command! Sigh!). I stayed on and as soon as she was completely stopped, she took off at a galop again. I guess she realized that it was only a shadow and that there was no need stopping... Thank goodness I wasn't unseated! She spooked at a fallen tree, brand new pavement and that tree shadow. Dandy never spooked at anything inanimate before and I got really sad seeing that she was at that point. Still we made it accross a huge wooden bridge and she never batted an ear even though I was a nervous wreck while crossing.

You see, when I was about 12 years old, we took our first pony for a ride outside of the pasture, we took that same path (which wasn't a bike path at the time), we'd had to cross a wooden bridge smaller in size and it looked a bit risky... instead of turning back, we tryed to cross it (don't scold the child mind, we got scolded enough for it, plus we had learned our lesson). At the very end, one of our pony's back legs broke through the bridge. After much panic and terror, the horse finally got back to its feet. Fortunately, she only had a scrape on the leg, but I was left scarred forever. We walked the whole way back home in case the horse had an underlying leg problem as a result... we had a walk that is equal to a 15 minute car ride. I never liked wooden bridges after that. The one we had to cross this time was way bigger, higher up and longer... a lot longer. As soon as I heard Dandy's hoof hit the wood, my heart hit the floor and I was a complete can of nuts until we reached the other end. I guess this is what you call post-traumatic stress. Anyways, my biggest fear was that Dandy would spook and fall off of the bridge. The bridge is an old railroad track bridge and was revamped with high railings and a brand new 3 inch thick floor... But the mind is stronger than that. We made it to the other side and I guess everyone felt the tension dissapear. I gave huge praise to Dandy for actually taking care of me as if I was a newborn child crying. She always outdid herself when I was a total nervous wreck, she seems to feed on that, she knows what she has to do... I'm glad that she completely ignored my fear and forged on to the other side, never putting a hoof out of line. WHEW!

Pearl crossed the bridge fine too. I was better about my emotions on the way back.... confidence gain??? I think so! Thank you Dandy again. Anyways, on the way back, we borrowed a new trail, it was rough and Dandy tripped a lot... I guess she couldn't see the bumps in front of her... maybe she was tired, but I know her vision is fading. I wish I could find a place where they do surgery. If I ever do, I will immediately ask that they evaluate Dandy and give it a shot. Sure, it's expensive, but Dandy is worth much more than that to me. If surgery is not available to her... I will eventually retire her to working only on flat ground, no trails. If that doesn't work, I will retire her completely. If I see that she is unhappy, i.e. running into things, not finding food or water sources, getting hurt somewhere... well... I will have to make the heart wrenching decision to put her down. I am not looking forward to that day, but I am aware that it might happen... just like she might do great without sight and be happy well into old age. I have to prepare for every scenario, but the grim one makes me want to cry like a baby. Just thinking about it makes my eyes water.

If ever she goes, I will lose my best friend... the one that understands me the most, the one that absolutely loves me and shows it... the one that is greatful to see me and is very happy to work with me. We've been through a lot of things together and she has always been there for me. I was always there when she needed me and we understand each other very well. I would be losing my partner, my horsey soulmate.

I hope this day never comes... I know she will pass one day, but she is very young and I hope she has many good days ahead of her. I will keep assessing her blindness... right now... she can trail ride but I don't like putting her in hard trails... she can still canter on the flat, she even does schooling very nicely, so she is not done working completely and might always stay this way.

I know it will never get better, unless I could find a place where they could do surgery. I am 99% shure she has cataracts... the surgery is similar to the human one. I will look for a place close to my home, but I have never heard of one yet. :(

Wish me luck!

Drum roll Please!

After almost a week of being super duper busy, I finally sat down to upload my pictures yesterday at 10:00 pm... I would've rather been sleeping, but here they are! BTW, I absolutely LOVE the picture above, the colors, the textures and the movement... I don't even remember taking it... eesh!

On Friday, August 6, I've succesfully put a saddle on Misty... for the first time in her life. I was very pleased, she was nervous and probably asking questions like crazy, but she trusted and followed quite well. Here are a few pictures of that adventure:

Above: Misty is getting brushed thoroughly for the first time... She seemed to enjoy it. Her skin is sensitive, so I went easy with the plastic curry... overall, she was ok with it.

Above: Then came the saddle pad, she got to meet it, chew it and play with it first, then we put it on her back... she was ok with the putting it on part, but was a bit antsy when it wouldn't come off, so she moved her feet a bit, but never ran off or bucked... she was pretty quiet... so I brought the saddle over.

Above: Before swinging the saddle over, Misty met the saddle and chewed a bit on it (which I stopped her from doing immediatly, without being too mean, she didn't know what this thing was!). After we've seen that she was ok with it, I had my sister hold her (that's me holding her in the picture) and I put the saddle gently on her. I was a bit nervous and actually held the saddle (and my breath) for about 2 minutes almost over Misty's back before resting it on her... I remember that she was quite explosive when we first started working with her and I was afraid that something like that would happen and damage my precious saddle! lol

Anyways, the saddle on her back didn't bother her, so we proceeded to tighten the girth. A bit antsy, but I've seen well broke horses move more than that when cinching up. We progressively walked and thightened the cinch, then walk again and so on.

Here is what she was like after two short walking sessions with the saddle on:

You can see that she is a bit nervous, not much... the saddle is squeaky and she listens for that noise. She is a little distracted because her friends are in her field of vision and she wants them to come back, but she got better after a few more walks.

After having walked a few times more, I decided to try my hand at putting my foot up in the stirrup. So I grabbed my helmet and off I went. When I first put my foot up (no weight) Misty was wondering what was going on, then she moved a bit and I followed her until she settled. I put a little weight and repeated with more weight each time. The last thing I did was put all of my weight in the stirrup... Misty didn't move, wasn't even off balance (I'm impressed 'cause I'm not a small person, as you can see). I immediatly proceeded to unsaddle Misty and let her go. She stood great for unsaddling and I even let the off side stirrup and girth down so it rubbed on her when I took the saddle off... no reaction at all. She was off to see her friends which had migrated to the far end of the field... she walked then trotted away from us and when she was far enough, she shifted into high gear and ran at a full galop right to the other end. She is better about being apart of her friends now, but I guess she likes to be close to them if given the chance... who doesn't?

All in all, a good session with Misty. It lasted about 45 minutes... as you can see, we were loosing daylight and I didn't want to over do it. Sessions will be kept short and we will progress slowly in order to make a great riding horse.

I'm not dead!

No, I'm not dead... I've been sick to no end. I've caught a cold, in the middle of Summer.



I did nothing with the horses all of last week, all of my long weekend and all of this week. I feel bad about it because they could all use the exercise... not because they are fat, but because it keeps them in shape. I'm sure THEY appreciated the break, with only visits with treats and scritches. I did take Misty out on her halter and lead, she did good, I even tied her and touched all four legs, but I only worked her for about 30 minutes on stuff she already knew.



Tonight, if I have the time, I am hoping to put a saddle on her, just to get her used to it. She's three years old, has never worked a day in her life, so it's time to make the big step. I don't know if I will swing a leg over yet, we'll see how she takes everything, if she seems ok, I might risk it and sit on her for a few minutes. I don't really feel like being thrown off so she'll have to be a star for me to get on.



I am just recovering from the cold and I do not feel like being thrown around.



I plan on riding the other horses tommorow. Peg is pretty much semi-retired and is only a relief horse when we are three people riding for short, easy rides... don't be fooled, she has a lot of spunk and speed still, but she can get sore depending on what we do with her and I don't like seeing her not being 100%. She lacks a lot of muscle tone, but she couldn't handle a conditionning program.



I plan on training Misty and have her replace Peg.



I'll probably be taking pictures if I have enough free hands to do so and I'll be posting them next week! Stay tuned to see Misty with her first ever saddle! :)

Have a great weekend everyone!