I'm in shreds :(

I've come upon some bad luck and I might just lay off of the blog for a while... I'm in shreds... totally demolished.

My SO and I have separated last week. If you asked me, I never even saw it coming... I might be blind or stupid, but in my mind all was going better than ever... it hit hard.... I love that man with all my heart and all of this as left me crying, not eating or sleeping for the last 4-5 days.

To simply add to my misery, I have found that Dandy has injured herself Saturday night or Sunday morning. Since she is still at my SO's farm (and I'm not), I couldn't check up on her as much as I wanted.

I came to see her yesterday and she seemed fine from a distance, so I went and checked the others... then, I returned to Dandy. There were many flies on her so I ran my hand on her face and down her neck to her chest... and when I got to the chest... I froze, my face changed. This wasn't Dandy's coat... I was rough and humid and sticky. Yes, Dandy has managed to injure herself. There is some sort of laceration or a deep rub mark on her chest about as big as a hand and a small cut on her shoulder. I took her out and rinsed it off... it was swollen and had the same consistency as hamburger... obviously, it was painful for her. I cleaned it and put some disinfectant on it.

This brought my spirit right down... I feel so helpless and I already don't feel competent enough to take care of horses, and this happens! I was in pieces on the ground. I realize that Dandy is not as happy as she was 2 years ago... she stays away from the others but always looks for them. She does not go into the shelter even if all of the others are in.

I think that she was trying to keep up with the herd as they were running in the pasture, and she must've ran into a fence or a tree, I have no idea. The wound is not life threatening, but I can't help but think about what else could happen... is this her way of telling me "This is it"? I will not be able to care for a blind horse like that and I know it. So what should I do? Have her put down? give her away to a kids camp? Would she be suitable for that or would she just end up at auction? What are my options??

Obviously, I'm in no state of mind to make an official decision about her. My mind is all over the place and this is just the cherry on the cake. I know that Dandy is almost blind (95% I would say) and I know it is affecting her quality of life... she no longer cares for anything, she likes to see me, but she doesn't do anything else... Am I making her suffer? Am I selfish? I don't know the answer, my mind is already flooded with other types of questions... I don't know what to think. I've had no luck talking with surgeons who could fix this and I would have to trailer her far in order to get it done, but nobody around is specialized to do this... and it might be too late (cataracts are too advanced).

I need to take a break, take a breath... so please forgive me if I am absent for a few weeks.